This morning I woke up and got my little one ready for school, today is field day! I have her put on her super hero tshirt, as requested by the school, lather her up with sunblock, and teach her how to tie up her laces on her brand new sneakers, pink and blue! She is such a girly girl. I drive her up to the school, and yell out, "Bye, bye sweetie, have fun!!" She turns back around with a huge grin on her face. She is beaming, and to my surprise, she yells back at me, "Bye, bye!" I'm delighted by her response. I breathe a sigh of relief. She is learning, real fast. I get home within minutes of the school, and to my surprise I burst into tears. I realize today, that this week was a good week. I also realize, "Wow, God you are faithful! You have always been faithful. Here you go again, proving to me of your faithfulness." I whisper through tears pouring down, gratitude and praises to Abba Father. I am so thankful for this week. I needed a week like this so badly.

You see. If you were in the shoes of any of my close friends or family members you would have heard a different version last week. Oh yeah, it was only last week. I was crying also. But it was not tears of joy. Oh no. It was tears of frustration, of crying out, of wanting to escape, of desperately needing something to hold me together. I didn't understand why my emotions were coming out so strong. I was hurting. SHE was hurting. My husband was seeing a side of me I didn't want him to see. It just hurt all over. Last week, my little one came down with the flu, influenza B, is what the doctor said. She'll have to take meds for her flu, her strep, her nausea, and some Tylenol if she comes down with a  fever again. Oh and did I mention it was only her 1st week of living with us? It was only her 1st week of being here, in the United States? It was also only her 2nd day of school? I was just starting to introduce myself, our world, and our home to her. The communication was already a challenge. She did not speak any English. None, zip, nada. I was using a google app translator, hand signals, and repeating of myself so she could learn English quickly. When she got the flu, the communication stopped. She stopped trying to respond to me. She stopped eating, and she became a silent vegetable. She just stared at me with her big brown eyes, pleading with me to make the pain go away. That week turned into a week of pleading with her to drink lots of fluids, to take her meds, and no response or communication back. All I could do was guess at what she may be needing or what she may be feeling. I felt helpless. I was frustrated, and I became upset and angry. The communication was hard. Real hard. She was dealing with a lot too, sickness, communication, missing home, missing familiarity, and whatever else she was dealing with was much worst than my struggle with communication. I cried a lot that week. I had to walk away a few times and gather myself together. I prayed more that week than I had in a whole month. I called friends and wept on the phone as they tried to console me and tell me things would get better. I believed this. I did. I was just trying really hard to get past this rough week.

So yeah, that was last week, just last week. Now this week, things turned around again, but this time, it was a much needed blessing. She got to spend time with my niece and nephew. She was starting to come out of her shell and feel safe. She was playing a lot this week, communicating with us, and she laughed and smiled a lot. We laughed and smiled a lot too. This week, I had to give praise to God. I just stopped what I was doing and wept like a baby and thanked God. This week was good Lord. You came through for us. You comforted me, and you comforted her, and you said, Hang in there, it'll get better. And in just one week, it did. So this little video below, is a glimpse of our successful, hallelujah praise God week! It's a big praise and shout out to the Lord. Here, they are holding hands, a glimpse of what you've done in her life. What you've done in our lives. I know I will be changed by this experience. My husband and I will look back on this day and realize, God put us in this role for a reason, a reason that is bigger than ourselves. It's bigger than my desire to want a family. It's much more than that. There is a saving here, that's happening. It's obvious how much God loves this precious one. I was way too caught up in my life of self loving. I was career focused and busy in a world of self indulgence. Having to be responsible, take care of, and love this precious one, I am also learning to take care of myself. I realize that more than ever. He didn't just save her, he saved me too.

Time and time again I feel like I ask and pray for the same thing.  I continue to ask God to help restore me, "Fill me up with his love, and remind me of whose I am again."  Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself for having to say the same prayer over and over again?

The enemy will have you believing that.  "Oh here we go again! You are such a mess! Always needing the same thing over and over, when will you ever get this right?"  The truth is, we may never get it right.  We will have some days that we do things right and can feel great about it, and then we can have days where again we feel defeated and weak and fail miserably.  This is what the enemy wants you to replay over and over in your head.  That you are a failure, that you may never get it altogether, and that you are stuck here.  We are striving for perfection, but perfection seems unreachable. We get pretty far sometimes, and then something happens and we are right back at square 1!  All that work and I'm back at square 1! How frustrating and disappointing that can feel for us.

Listen, Beloved.  You are not a failure. You are not a disappointment.  We are living in a world that is plagued with sin, and in our own bodies, this flesh we live in, we are drawn to sin.  

                       "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I  do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me."        - Romans 7: 15 - 17

The question is how do we overcome it?  How do we get past this struggle? 

Let me take you into the book of Matthew.  You've probably read or heard this story before, but let's take a closer look at it.  In Matthew 14:22-32, is the story where Jesus walks on water.  Just before this happens, one of Jesus dear friend, John the Baptist had just died. He was beheaded.  It was a terrible death.  Jesus retreated to a solitary place, perhaps for time of prayer and mourning and quiet time. At this time, a large crowd continued to follow him into the remote area.  He performed a miracle that day by providing food and water to a large crowd with only 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. He then dismisses the crowd and tells his disciples to get back on their boat and go ahead of him. He went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.  This is when the story begins.  It's just before dawn, and the disciples see something in the distance, someone or something is coming towards them, and as it gets closer, they realize, "It is Jesus, he walks on the water!" The disciples were afraid. Peter cries out, "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water."  Jesus invites him to step onto the water towards him.  Miraculously Peter does this, and he does not sink but he too is also walking on water! When he sees the wind picking up, Peter becomes afraid, looks down at his feet and he begins to sink! At this time, Jesus reaches out his hand to catch him and says to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?".

Peter. You gotta love that Peter! He reminds us so much of how each of us can be sometimes, doubtful. I can share so many things about this particular story, but there's one main thing I want to focus on today. Peter became afraid when the wind picked up, and his focus that was once on Jesus trailed off and instead he looked at himself and began to sink.

How often have we all done that?  We start trusting in ourselves and go at it in life, 100 miles an hour, just going and going.  We trust in other things to give us rest, and some of us don't even rest at all!  It's that moment when we take our eyes off of Jesus, do we begin to sink, and sink.  We cry out for help, and Jesus again catches us!

Our struggle and battle is real. It remains until the day of the Lord comes.  There is a battle for our hearts dearly beloved.  It is when we take our eyes, our focus, off of Jesus when we begin to sink again.  We will continue to struggle with this daily. No one is exempt from being in the flesh and living in this sinful nature.  All of us are weak, that is why daily we must come to Him who gives life! Him who restores! Him who comforts, provides, and heals!

So yes, we may pray the same prayer, "Father restore me, heal me, and make me whole", but it is because we know that we are weak and that we can be humble and come to the feet of Jesus. I come thirsty and hungry, knowing that the only thing that can satisfy and give me peace and understanding is Him who lives in me.

- For a deeper study, read Romans 7:7-25, and Romans 8:1-17

How great it is to reserve a day for Mothers.  Although we should be grateful and thankful for them everyday.

Today I sit here and I am full of joy. I think about all the women out there that I know that are mothers, my own mother, my sister, and friends who are also mothers.  I think about each one of them, and how special they are to each of their own family.  Mothers are a treasure, one to be celebrated, to be grateful for, to pray for, to lift up, and shower her with love and gifts.  I sent a special message, a text to each one of them this morning.  How special they are!  How blessed their family is to have them!

As I'm sitting quietly praying for each one of them, I think about their precious hearts.  Their lives are full of busyness, raising up their children, teaching wisdom into their lives, cuddling and loving their children, tending to their every hurt and need.  All the while making sure dinner is on the table, necessities and needs are provided like clothes, things they need for school.  It's never just enough its almost always above and beyond when a mother provides.  I think of the times they give, not enough sleep to make sure their children sleep well, no time to give to themselves to keep things going for their families. It is 24/7 around the clock.  Being mom just doesn't stop.

I think of each one of them and I pray silently for their hearts, because I know God loves them deeply, and each of their hearts is precious in his sight.

To the Mothers this I pray for you:

Listen to your hearts, it has been buried under, because you have cared so much for others.  The Father knows your heart well, this you can share with him all your worries, concerns, and burdens.

Be gracious and kind to yourselves.  There is no mother out there who is perfect.  Give yourself permission to make mistakes and fall short sometimes, this does not mean you fail.  It sometimes means you carry too much, that is not meant for you to carry it all.  The Father can handle more than your load. Be kind and gracious to yourselves and let yourself put faith and trust in Him.

Love yourselves well.  You are precious. You are deserving.  A moment of rest, of time away, of pampering and loving yourself is a MUST.  It's not Ok to let that go. Spend time with your girlfriends, sleep and sleep for a long time, go and get your nails done, go for that run, go and enjoy yourself and love yourself deeply.  A mother who's been rested in the area of loving herself is able to give more to her family in a way that only she can. 

Remember that you are so Loved.  It may not be said enough or shown enough, but everyday your family needs you. You are the Heart of the family, the soul, the very thing that keeps it beating for your family.  So take great care in protecting your heart.  Don't let things, people, and circumstances taint your heart in a way that harbors anything evil.  Protect it, cherish it, and nourish it with loving things, and with the Fathers touch that brings healing and confirmation of whose you are.


"Above all things guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".  Proverbs 4:23


"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent and praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8


"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again; Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone, The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving; let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every though, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 4:4-7

Lastly, find rest for your heart and soul. True rest is found in the true Savior, JESUS. The thirst we all long for does not come from things of the world, because our hearts and souls breathe the same breath of life that God gave us.  We are created in His image, and find who we are and true rest in his harbor.  Rest for your heart is the best kind of gift you can give to yourself.

"But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life" John 4:14


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". Matthew 11:28

"No longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord." - Philemon 1:16

The book of Philemon is only one chapter with one story, but boy is it powerful! I'll sum it for you.  There is a slave man named Onesimus, he recently escaped and meets with Paul whose been imprisoned in Rome.  There at the prison Onesimus hears the gospel of Christ and openly receives it and is saved.  Paul then tells him to go back to his owner, Philemon and ask for forgiveness and to go back to be with his owner and his family again.  In the book of Philemon is Paul's letter to Philemon.  He tells Philemon to forgive Onesimus, but not just to forgive to go even further and receive him into his family as a dear brother in Christ.

Now this may sound all great and wonderful and you may think okay that's good for them, what does that have to do with me?  Well, think about this story for one minute.  Onesimus was a slave.  He escaped.  Then all of sudden after he accepts Christ, Paul tells him to go back. What? Go back, Why??  Do you know how difficult my life was being a slave?  Do you know how hard it was for me to escape and get here?  Why in the world would I do that?  Can't I just stay here and help minister with you?  I can definitely be more useful here. Paul knew this also, but the spirit tells Paul to send Onesimus back, back to his owner Philemon. 

Now shift over and pretend you are in Philemon's shoes. His slave just escaped and stole some of his possessions with him.  He is probably upset, angry, and frustrated.  One day Onesimus shows up at his door with a letter from his dear friend Paul.  In the letter Paul tells him to forgive his slave and receive him as a brother in Christ, receive him into your family and love him.

Now before you start saying that Philemon deserved it also for making Onesimus a slave.  You need to understand the background and history of this story.  Back in this time, slavery was very common, and in some cases the owner and the slave had a good working relationship.  A slave escaping was probably also normal.  Who would want to be a slave for the rest of their lives? Even if they had a good roof over their head and food to eat, no one would want that kind of life forever and so one day Onesimus stole some of his owners possessions and then ran away.

You can say both are victims here, and we can go back and forth and argue points over for each one. However, the beauty of this story is not about that.  The beauty is the action that came from these two characters.

Have you ever been wrongfully hurt and betrayed by someone you love?  Have you ever been blindsided by someone's hurtful betrayal to you? God's word tells us to forgive.  Yeah that may be easier said than done right? 
Have you ever heard the saying, I can forgive, but I'll never forget?  I've always hated that saying.  It's so wrong to me in so many ways.  True forgiveness to me is the opposite of that.  Check out these verses:

“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."  - Isaiah 1:18

“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." - Isaiah 43:25

True forgiveness goes beyond the feelings of what your heart wants to do.  I can say this, because I've been there.  My heart was hearting so bad it was much easier for me to walk away and never look back.  I could forgive but definitely never forget and make sure this person did not forget.  Forgiveness calls the one being hurt to extend undeserving grace and mercy to the one who hurt you.  I know.. it is a hard thing to ask someone to do, but when you do it.  You are putting into action the grace and mercy that our loving God extended to us.  He asks us to do the same, and offer that same undeserving grace and mercy to others. We in turn are showing God's love for them, and ministering to the other person's heart and healing for them in such a way that only God can do. God tells us to be obedient and then watch him make something beautiful out of it, in your heart and in others. 

What if the person hurting you never does show any sign of change?  That's okay.  It's not our job to force people to see truth. Remember that God changes people's hearts, not us.  We focus on what we are called to do. Extending forgiveness in this way, is an act of love.  Because God first loved us even when we were clueless and completely oblivious to it, his grace and mercy covered us completely. I know looking back at my own life some of the action and lies I use to believe, that I desperately needed that grace and mercy.  I am so thankful to Him that he didn't see me for what I use to be, but that he saw me for who He knew I could be. 

Do you have someone in your life that you need to forgive? Pray and ask God to help you.  Help you get to a place of submission to his call by extending forgiveness, and then ask him to help you to go pass forgiveness and offer grace and mercy also. I pray that God will bless you greatly in spirit and in heart in such a way that gives all peace and all understanding for you. Amen.

This morning I called my daddy to check on his flight, he says he's waiting patiently to board and it's been delayed 30 minutes.  I pause.. and I give a big sigh of relief.  Daddy is coming home.  This is present time, today.

Rewind, about 2 months ago I had not spoken to my dad. The last time we had talked he was suppose to board a flight from Fresno, CA to Dallas, TX to come home and finally be with us.  In that conversation, my dad was partying the night before his flight.  He talked to me in slurred speech, obviously drunk from his party that was still going on.  I called him the day of his flight, surprised by his slurred speech again.  I asked, "Daddy are you drinking again today?  Your flight is about to leave in an hour.  Please make sure to get to the airport.  I'll see you later tonight."  I was disappointed that day, although not surprised by my father's behavior.  You see, all my life I have grown up with my father drinking to the point where his behavior gets out of control.  I've had calls in the middle of the night where my dad has gotten into a physical fight with someone, or my mother is crying from having to bail him out of jail, or some sort of drama that has been stirred up once again.  I was use to this kind of behavior.  I had long forgiven my dad for his decisions he made that affected our family.  I learned to love him and accept him where he is.  I continue to pray for him. 

So that night, I drove out to pick up my father at 12 am, the time his flight should be landing.  My husband rode with me along with my 5 year old niece and my 4 month old nephew, whom my dad had not yet met, his grandson.  All of us were anticipating to see him, especially my 5 year old niece who had grown such a special bond with her grandfather.  You see, my father had left since April.  We hadn't seen him in 7 months.  Again, this was something I was used to.  My father likes to travel, not that he has the luxury to do so financially. He was always looking for some kind of adventure something to get into, whatever his reason, he just could not stay home, and being a family man was hard for him. He was always itching to go somewhere, be somewhere.  I always say my dad is a wanderer.  So that night all of us were excited, but physically tired from the lateness of the night.  We pulled up to the pick up curb at the airport waiting for my dad to walk out.  I had called him several times to tell him where we were parked and he did not pick up.  We waited 30 minutes after the flight had landed and we watched as loved ones embraced their families. Each family member and friend was picked up until finally the crowd died down.  I stared as my heart began to sink.  I knew in my heart what had happened but I held onto hope as I continued to stare and wait. After a few minutes, I finally told my husband, "Go home." He looked at me confused, but evenutally pulled away.  I made a phone call to the airline and sure enough his seat was never filled.  He had never boarded the flight.  My niece and nephew were sound asleep as I sat there in disappointment, anger, and hopelessness.  I felt hurt. 

Since that day, I had not spoken to my dad until just about two weeks ago.  I had recently called him and told him how I had felt, but also told him that I had forgiven him and that I loved him.  I really just wanted him to be home.  I could tell that he missed me, and that he was really sorry for what he did.  After a couple of weeks of phone calls back and forth we finally booked another flight, and he is coming home today!  I called him this morning, no slur speech was present, and he is patiently waiting to board his flight.  The excitement in me was stirring as I said a quick prayer of thankfulness to God, and prayed for God to be with him on this flight, to come home safely.

As I sit here and write this, I'm thinking about our reunion.  It's now been 8 months since I've seen my dad.  I miss him terribly. I've been thinking a lot about him.  I recently read a book that challenged me to go back in the past and think of some memories that I had long forgotten about, some of them really good, and some of them really bad.  One thing I found that threw me off and surprised me, were the "really good ones".  You would think that the bad memories had a lot to do with my dad, and they did, some of them, but a lot of the "really good ones", well they had EVERYTHING to do with my dad.  I cried as I remembered those memories.  My daddy use to take us to these special gem of a place.  He would find secret spots where we could freely ride our bikes or run and hide and play in parks, trails, and just be outside and be a kid.  My dad is a big kid at heart.  He loves to play, joke around, and just be so wild and crazy.  He was a crazy fun kind of guy so growing up with him was a lot of fun.  My dad loves to tell the same jokes over and over.  I knew every joke he told.  The laughing was not always the joke itself,  the laughing would come from watching my dad laugh at his own jokes, the same jokes he'd tell over and over! My sister, brother, and I would laugh so hard at how much fun my dad was having at telling his same old jokes.  The memories of our childhood flowed through my mind, and I smiled at every single one of them, because my dad was a part of every single one of them!  His infectious smile, laughter, his playfulness, and his kid at heart spirit.  The joy he brought into our lives.

I missed that all of these years.  I missed the fact that my father was a great blessing to our lives! All these years I focused so much on his bad decisions he made in his life. I focused so much on the things he did wrong, and the things that frustrated us as a family. I totally missed the fact that there was a lot of good he did do in our lives.  He did a lot of things right.  He loved us the best way he knew how.  Sure, he made terrible decisions, and we all do,  we all need forgiveness. One thing he did right, and probably the only thing that matters, that I will always be grateful to him for, is loving us.  He loved us wholeheartedly.  My father did not have parents to look up to growing up.  He was an orphan at a very young age, always took care of himself, and the only life he knew was the street life, as I use to call him, "a wanderer".  Now I know, my dad was the best dad he could be to me and my siblings.  He did his best and he did it well.  I love my dad so much, and my hope is that this reunion, this time, I will get to share with him, how much he means to me, how thankful I am for him, and tell him all the things he did right, and how much I love him.

Be thankful, dear friends, for the missed blessings in our lives that are here TODAY, not tomorrow, and not some time in the future, but the blessings that are here TODAY, that we often fail to see and can miss out on. God shines through the lives of those he so purposely placed in our lives.  Don't miss out on the blessing of those people that God intended for you to embrace, and receive.  God is asking us to open our hands, palms up, and "receive"..  The love he pours out into each of our lives, are here right now, and here today!

A room full of those familiar faces
there's laughter and talk
but I don't know where my place is.

The voices get loud and louder
I'm smiling and quiet
as they boast proud and prouder.

This language once so familiar and sure
no longer a sound
one that once was a lure.

I no longer want to walk on this path
I use to look and linger
but now I don't even walk pass.

The smell and aroma use to tease and please
and now with my cross heavy over me
the smell has now all but ceased.

I walk along that narrow dirt road
heavy with my cross I walk alone.
I trek and trek along this path
now becoming familiar with my own soft pant.

The fog may cover me and I cannot see
but along this path I continue to be.

The road leads far up ahead
but my comfort and refuge is near.

I have not loss but gained
for it is only in Him
my true self, my heart remained.

It is his whisper that beckons me on
as I continue my journey
I begin to hear my song.

A song of peace, hope, and love
that heals and heals
only found from above.

Till the road ahead opens and clears
and the angels cheer and cheer
will I find rest from my journey
for this is home, my soul that finds
for all eternity and for all of time.

- Author, Sapier Lam

This morning I had coffee with a dear friend. The subject about how I became Christian came up, and I said, “I became a believer at a very young age, I experienced God at a very young age.”  She looked at me with a curious
expression and asked, “What do you mean by experiencing God at a young age?”

I smiled thinking back to the time when I first accepted Christ into my heart. You see, I invited God into my life at age 11. 

I had been going to a Baptist church with my mom.  My mom was very loyal to this church. They had taken my mom in since she came here as a refugee from Cambodia back in the late 70s. They helped her find a place to stay and helped her get accustomed to this new world she was living in called America. Growing up in the
Baptist church, I was drawn to the Pastor and teachers there, who loved God with a passion.  I could see it in how
they loved us, shared bible stories with us, and were just, well… different people than I’d ever met before.  I
was very drawn to who Jesus was, and why these people loved him so much. Looking back now, I realized the love of Christ shone so brightly in them, at such a young age it drew me close and peaked my curiosity.  So I invited God into my heart at age 11.  From that day on I tried to understand what it was to be a Christian.  I would pray and talk to God.  My life at home was still the same.  My parents worked fulltime jobs and were never home.  I was expected to watch my brother and sister at age 11 with no adult supervision.  Now before you think this is crazy, this was a normal in Cambodian culture.  Back in Cambodia, kids became helpers at age 5.  You should already know how to cook rice, clean, watch your brothers and sisters, and should be married by 15.   

My parents needed me to be responsible. There was no other way to make a living and so I knew
what was expected of me.  That of course came with a lot problems.  My siblings and I fought all the time, not just verbal abuse at one another but fist fights even.  One night we got into it and got into a physical fight again. Being the oldest, I had the upper hand and.by the end of it both my brother and sister were lying there on the floor crying hysterically.  Fuming and furious I walked away and left them to cry.  As I sat in the bathroom trying to drown out their cries, I felt a presence come over me and felt a nudge. In my heart I knew it was God. I heard God say to me, “You know what you did was wrong.  You really hurt your brother and sister.”  I answered back, “Yes I know, but they really really made me mad!”  God answered, “You should go and say sorry to them.”  I thought it was the craziest idea.  My siblings and I never got along.  I was the oldest and felt sure I was always right, and there was never a time I ever apologized to either one of them, so you could see how this made me feel.  I thought about it for a moment, a looooong moment.  And then very slowly and resisting almost I slowly walked over to my brother and sister and told them I was very sorry. Almost immediately, compassion for them came over me and a peace I had never felt before.  I started to soothe them from their crying. It was at that moment my relationship
with my siblings changed forever.  

Today, we are close.  I couldn’t go one day without calling one of them just to talk or check on them.  We have the weirdest inside jokes that only we would understand that would have all of us holding our stomachs laughing so hard tears would flow.  That moment had changed my relationship with them forever.
 
I’ve shared this story many times with my Sunday school kids.  I wanted to remind them you are never too young to hear from God.  Being Christian is not just for the old folks. 
You can hear God at any age. 
He can use you at any age.  

Since then, I’ve had many sweet nudges from God.  I’m not going to lie there have been times I did not listen at all,  and I have regretted those times, but the times that I did.. 
Well, let’s just say it changed things. 
I smile when I think of his nudges, it warms me up inside knowing how much he cares about even the littlest things in our lives that we often think are too small for him.  

So it begs the question, If he cares so much for the little things, how much more would he be involved in the big things in our lives?  We all try to take on so much, how much longer will we continue to carry it?  I leave you with this.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  - Matthew 11:29-30

"But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, Why did you make me like this? Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?"

- Romans 9:20-21

So many of us have asked this question to ourselves and may have even shouted it out to the heavens above.  "What am I made for? What is my purpose? Why am I here?"

Have you ever opened the insides of a watch?  You will find in there a very complex thing.  You will see many small items and details that make up the watch. On the outside of it you will see something very simple compared to what you find on the inside. What we see on the outside is very obvious to us what it is designed for and that is, to tell time.

What does that tell us about you and me? 

Like a watch that has a craftsman who made the watch, we too have a creator that has designed and created us for a very specific role and purpose. Our creator, our God, designed us small or big to do something very specific. Your role may be the spinning wheel that keeps the clock ticking. Your role may be the component that helps the wheel spin.  Your role may be the outside protection that keeps all the inside pieces together. Whatever your role, you were needed to complete this perfect picture, design and PURPOSE, that God already planned long ago to fulfill his desire for it. The Creator can see the outside picture and knows clearly our purpose.

Can the inside details of the watch know what it was designed for? Can it see that on the outside there is a much bigger picture there? Maybe the answer for you is no.  Maybe you are the wheel that spins and you ask yourself I'm just a wheel.  Why am I here?  What is my purpose?

Dearly Beloved, God wears this watch ever closely to his heart and knows fully well the design of the wheel, what it's for and why it is needed to make this watch run. You are wanted. You are intentional in his design. You have a purpose. You are his perfect design for a very specific reason.

I encourage you to seek God whenever you feel like you doubt yourself and the role in where you are.  I encourage you when you feel inadequate, to invite God into your heart, lay it all at his feet, and surrender your feelings of doubt to him, and let him whisper words of confirmation to you, whose you are, your purpose, his perfect plan for you, the beauty of that outside picture and what it all looks like when it comes together.

I'm a huge movie fan, and one that made a great impression on me and helped me to understand more about this "watch" was the movie Hugo.  Here are two quotes from the movie that I really liked. 
 
"I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any
extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I
figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn't be an extra part. I
had to be here for some reason...and that means you have to be here for some
reason too." 

"Did you ever notice that all machines are made for some reason? They are built to make you laugh, like the mouse here, or to tell the time, like clocks, or to fill you with wonder, like the automaton.  Maybe that's why a broken machine always makes me a little sad, because it isn't able to do what it was meant to do.  Maybe it's the same with people, if you lose your purpose.. it's like you're broken."

- Hugo

The good news is we have a maker, our craftsman, God.  He can heal our brokenness, he can renew our purpose.  He can put "life" into what was once dead.  Life is found in Him, the maker and creator of all things.

For those who know me, know that one of the things I've struggled with for awhile is not having been able to have children.  I've had my ups and downs with it.  I've even confessed to God my anger for why? Why not me?

There are perhaps things in your life that you may not understand right now.  Maybe it's a promotion you thought you were deserving of getting, maybe it's a spouse you've been waiting on to be a God send, maybe it's a relationship that has now gone sour.  Whatever your circumstance, it perhaps has confused you and you so desperately want to understand Why?  Why me?

In Acts 23, the story is about Paul.  This is a man who once persecuted Christians, and now has become one of the strongest believers in Christ, and has become a follower of Christ.  In Acts 23 he's being questioned for his belief. He goes before the Sanhedrin counsel where at the time is comparable to perhaps the Supreme courts we have here in America today. It starts out a riot as the two counsels that make up the Sanhedrin are split, one for Paul, and one against Paul.  Eventually, this leads to planning a plot to kill Paul by the Jews.  The government that holds Paul under imprisonment has been informed of this plot.  The Roman governor begins to pile up a group consisting of 200 hundred soldiers, 70 horsemen, and 200 spearmen!  This is compiled to safely transfer Paul under protection to the next Governor up, Governor Felix in Caesarea.

This story revealed something to me that brought me a whole new understanding of God's plan for our lives.  Why did the Roman government provide such protection for just one man?  Well you have to look back at history to understand some of it.  Back then, being a Roman citizen meant everything. Not only is Paul exempt from cruel and unusual punishment, and not only is he given the right to a fair trial before any judgment is made against him, but he also comes under the powerful protecting hand of the Roman empire!

Paul was born a Roman citizen.  It made me think how awesome that was.  It certainly wasn't anything he did on his own, he was just "born that way".  Little did he know, that many years later that one thing would eventually "protect" him so profoundly!  All because God had a plan for Paul!  His story was not over yet!

Friends, God too has a plan for you.  You and I both.  There are going to be things that happen to us perhaps things we cannot control.  We won't understand.  What we can trust and know is that God loves you so much.  He does have a plan and purpose for you, and he is for you never against you. This morning I let that sit in my spirit.  I let in sink in my heart.  I may not understand some things, but I do know my Father.  I do know his plans for me are perfect.  His goodness for me is available.  Let this bless you also. In prayer today, ask God to give you peace and understanding of your circumstance, because Dearly Beloved, your story is not over yet!