This morning I woke up and got my little one ready for school, today is field day! I have her put on her super hero tshirt, as requested by the school, lather her up with sunblock, and teach her how to tie up her laces on her brand new sneakers, pink and blue! She is such a girly girl. I drive her up to the school, and yell out, "Bye, bye sweetie, have fun!!" She turns back around with a huge grin on her face. She is beaming, and to my surprise, she yells back at me, "Bye, bye!" I'm delighted by her response. I breathe a sigh of relief. She is learning, real fast. I get home within minutes of the school, and to my surprise I burst into tears. I realize today, that this week was a good week. I also realize, "Wow, God you are faithful! You have always been faithful. Here you go again, proving to me of your faithfulness." I whisper through tears pouring down, gratitude and praises to Abba Father. I am so thankful for this week. I needed a week like this so badly.
You see. If you were in the shoes of any of my close friends or family members you would have heard a different version last week. Oh yeah, it was only last week. I was crying also. But it was not tears of joy. Oh no. It was tears of frustration, of crying out, of wanting to escape, of desperately needing something to hold me together. I didn't understand why my emotions were coming out so strong. I was hurting. SHE was hurting. My husband was seeing a side of me I didn't want him to see. It just hurt all over. Last week, my little one came down with the flu, influenza B, is what the doctor said. She'll have to take meds for her flu, her strep, her nausea, and some Tylenol if she comes down with a fever again. Oh and did I mention it was only her 1st week of living with us? It was only her 1st week of being here, in the United States? It was also only her 2nd day of school? I was just starting to introduce myself, our world, and our home to her. The communication was already a challenge. She did not speak any English. None, zip, nada. I was using a google app translator, hand signals, and repeating of myself so she could learn English quickly. When she got the flu, the communication stopped. She stopped trying to respond to me. She stopped eating, and she became a silent vegetable. She just stared at me with her big brown eyes, pleading with me to make the pain go away. That week turned into a week of pleading with her to drink lots of fluids, to take her meds, and no response or communication back. All I could do was guess at what she may be needing or what she may be feeling. I felt helpless. I was frustrated, and I became upset and angry. The communication was hard. Real hard. She was dealing with a lot too, sickness, communication, missing home, missing familiarity, and whatever else she was dealing with was much worst than my struggle with communication. I cried a lot that week. I had to walk away a few times and gather myself together. I prayed more that week than I had in a whole month. I called friends and wept on the phone as they tried to console me and tell me things would get better. I believed this. I did. I was just trying really hard to get past this rough week.
So yeah, that was last week, just last week. Now this week, things turned around again, but this time, it was a much needed blessing. She got to spend time with my niece and nephew. She was starting to come out of her shell and feel safe. She was playing a lot this week, communicating with us, and she laughed and smiled a lot. We laughed and smiled a lot too. This week, I had to give praise to God. I just stopped what I was doing and wept like a baby and thanked God. This week was good Lord. You came through for us. You comforted me, and you comforted her, and you said, Hang in there, it'll get better. And in just one week, it did. So this little video below, is a glimpse of our successful, hallelujah praise God week! It's a big praise and shout out to the Lord. Here, they are holding hands, a glimpse of what you've done in her life. What you've done in our lives. I know I will be changed by this experience. My husband and I will look back on this day and realize, God put us in this role for a reason, a reason that is bigger than ourselves. It's bigger than my desire to want a family. It's much more than that. There is a saving here, that's happening. It's obvious how much God loves this precious one. I was way too caught up in my life of self loving. I was career focused and busy in a world of self indulgence. Having to be responsible, take care of, and love this precious one, I am also learning to take care of myself. I realize that more than ever. He didn't just save her, he saved me too.
You see. If you were in the shoes of any of my close friends or family members you would have heard a different version last week. Oh yeah, it was only last week. I was crying also. But it was not tears of joy. Oh no. It was tears of frustration, of crying out, of wanting to escape, of desperately needing something to hold me together. I didn't understand why my emotions were coming out so strong. I was hurting. SHE was hurting. My husband was seeing a side of me I didn't want him to see. It just hurt all over. Last week, my little one came down with the flu, influenza B, is what the doctor said. She'll have to take meds for her flu, her strep, her nausea, and some Tylenol if she comes down with a fever again. Oh and did I mention it was only her 1st week of living with us? It was only her 1st week of being here, in the United States? It was also only her 2nd day of school? I was just starting to introduce myself, our world, and our home to her. The communication was already a challenge. She did not speak any English. None, zip, nada. I was using a google app translator, hand signals, and repeating of myself so she could learn English quickly. When she got the flu, the communication stopped. She stopped trying to respond to me. She stopped eating, and she became a silent vegetable. She just stared at me with her big brown eyes, pleading with me to make the pain go away. That week turned into a week of pleading with her to drink lots of fluids, to take her meds, and no response or communication back. All I could do was guess at what she may be needing or what she may be feeling. I felt helpless. I was frustrated, and I became upset and angry. The communication was hard. Real hard. She was dealing with a lot too, sickness, communication, missing home, missing familiarity, and whatever else she was dealing with was much worst than my struggle with communication. I cried a lot that week. I had to walk away a few times and gather myself together. I prayed more that week than I had in a whole month. I called friends and wept on the phone as they tried to console me and tell me things would get better. I believed this. I did. I was just trying really hard to get past this rough week.
So yeah, that was last week, just last week. Now this week, things turned around again, but this time, it was a much needed blessing. She got to spend time with my niece and nephew. She was starting to come out of her shell and feel safe. She was playing a lot this week, communicating with us, and she laughed and smiled a lot. We laughed and smiled a lot too. This week, I had to give praise to God. I just stopped what I was doing and wept like a baby and thanked God. This week was good Lord. You came through for us. You comforted me, and you comforted her, and you said, Hang in there, it'll get better. And in just one week, it did. So this little video below, is a glimpse of our successful, hallelujah praise God week! It's a big praise and shout out to the Lord. Here, they are holding hands, a glimpse of what you've done in her life. What you've done in our lives. I know I will be changed by this experience. My husband and I will look back on this day and realize, God put us in this role for a reason, a reason that is bigger than ourselves. It's bigger than my desire to want a family. It's much more than that. There is a saving here, that's happening. It's obvious how much God loves this precious one. I was way too caught up in my life of self loving. I was career focused and busy in a world of self indulgence. Having to be responsible, take care of, and love this precious one, I am also learning to take care of myself. I realize that more than ever. He didn't just save her, he saved me too.
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